First Impressions - An Alaskan Malamute Perspective

Also here with Deline is her baby brother Tikhaia (Tik-HI-ah).  He is an Alaskan malamute too, one and a half years old and completely lacking in dignity.

Q: So Deline, do you and your brother pull sleds? 

D: We aren’t working class malamutes, and it would be way beneath us (well, beneath ME anyway) to pull a sled.  We’re urban dogs.

T: We run in the country every weekend, and chase deer and coyotes and stuff…

D: …but then we come home and have Cumbrae Farms organically raised steak for dinner.  Or roasted capon.  Did I mention that the steak is dry aged for at least thirty days? 

Q: What about you, Tikhaia - What do you like to do? 

T: Eat.  Bug the princess.

D: Chuckle

Q: You’re very patient with your young brother.

D: One must be tolerant of puppies.  I believe that it’s our job, as adults, to guide them with a firm but gentle paw. 

Q: He seems to be much larger than you…. 

D: Still a puppy, nevertheless.  Mature in body, but not in mind.

Q: Okay then.  So, I hear you have a new summer retreat.  Tell our readers about it.

D: Last summer, our mom and dad bought us a lake.  They seemed to think we’d be really happy about that.  I have no idea why.  We had to ride in the back of a smelly pick-up truck (with a cap on it so we can’t fall out) for SEVENTEEN hours, and then sleep in a crummy motel.  Somebody had smoked in the room, and it was disgusting!  The next morning, we got forced into this tin-can boat and I had to sit in a puddle for about forty-five minutes until we got to our estate.

T: It was so much fun getting there!  I wish our mom would take the cap off her truck so I could jump out sometimes.  The motel was great and we had pizza! 

Q: What’s it like at your lake, Deline?

D: I think somebody needs to file a lawsuit.  It didn’t have manicured lawns, it just had sand.  I thought the lake itself was nice, until I found out that I was expected to drink out of it.  Have you ever seen a leech?  There were bugs and I got sand between my toes and I didn’t even get my own room!

T: It’s the best place ever!  We got to ride in a cool boat, with the wind in our hair and everything.  Then we saw our lake.  Oh, man, was it neat!  I got to swim in the lake with my leech friends, and the water tastes so good.  Once for dinner, we had hotdogs!  And the SAND!  Oh, I love the sand!  I can dig all day if I want!  Once Daddy fell into one of my holes, and then he filled them all in, but I emptied them out again...

and then…

D: I believe I was speaking…

T: Oops, sorry.

D: Sorry, what…?

T: Sorry, Your Majesty.  (Jeez.) 

D: Anyway, as I was saying…

T: We chased a chipmunk!!!

D: … As I was saying, yes, there is vermin.  The little wretch ate all but thirty-one of our thirty-three fresh blueberries.  We had to discourage him.

T: You wanted to eat him!

D: I would never consume vermin!

Q: Okay, let’s move along.  How are the accommodations?

D: Well….

T: It’s way cool!  We have a cabin and everybody gets to eat and sleep in the same room!

D: No amenities at all… no air conditioning, no privacy, no running water….

T: We’ve got the whole lake!  Why does it need to run??

D: It’s infested, that’s why!!  Who knows what parasites we could get!

T: You’re an old lady.

D: You’re an idiot. Ow!!!

Q: What do you do there?

D: We are bored…

T: We swim and eat and dig and eat and chase things and eat and sleep on the beach! 

Q: Any wildlife…other than the chipmunk, I mean?

T:  Heee!  Something big peeked at Deline when she was in the lake….

D: It was appalling!  I was in the bath - so rude!

T: She got soooo mad!  She barked at it and kicked up sand and stomped around!!!

D: And if I recall, YOU ran back to the cabin.

T: I was PROTECTING the cabin!!!

D: From under the bunk?  Oof.  Get OFF!!!!

D: One night, we heard wolves howling….

T: And you wouldn’t even let us howl back at them.  Didn’t want to attract the riff-raff, you said.

D: Wolves are uncivilized. 

T: Wolves are cool!  Our ancestors were wolves!

D: We don’t discuss that side of the family.

T: Look at me, I’m a wolf!!! Snarl, Snarl, Snarl!

D: Cease and desist!

T:  Grrrrrrr….snarl! 

D: Stop it, you’re spitting on me! 

T: Snarl, snarl, slather…

D: I’m warning you - let GO!  You’ll be sorry!

T: Yeah, what are you gonna do to a WOLF??

And so, as our interview is declared a shambles, we eagerly await future stories of the adventures of Deline and Tikhaia at Petersen Lake and beyond!

D: That is it…OW.…now I’m mad!

T: OW!!! OW!!! OW!!! OW!!!! LEGGO!!! GET HER OFF!!!!!  MOM!!!!!  OWWWW!!!!!